Our creator is infinitely amazing. When I see my kids do or learn what they are supposed to, I am amazed. It is not of me. My Father is in control because it is nothing that I can do in my power that is going to be life changing for them.
As I wrote a couple of posts back, my daughter and I were going through a "thing". Mostly, I was holding on too tightly. I was so afraid that I had made a mistake and not taught her what she needed to know, that she was going to use her new freedom to ruin the plans that God had for her. I held on too tight, she pulled away, I grasped for more, finally I freaked out. I just shared my tears and heart with her. I was able to be completely honest about my fears for her and really become transparent with her. She was an amazing listener and we have been doing very well ever since.
Fear is a trigger of mine. I have lived with it most of my life. Fears of being invisible, not measuring up, rejection, failure, and poverty are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. These fears have kept me in bondage for a long time. I have quite a story to tell of how the enemy planted those seeds in my mind, but the point is, who watered them all this time? Who made the choice to see the wrinkles, gray, cellulite, and deem them "ugly" instead of "wise"? Who looked at various circumstances in her life and compared herself to other women and saw the shortcoming ONLY? Sorry, friends... it was me. I did that. I hung my head and opened the door and told the devil that he was right. What? How ridiculous is that? But we all do it sometimes. Instead of guarding the hearts that the Lord has blessed us with, we lend an audience to the laundry list the devil would like to remind us of... But you know what? I have probably said this before, but my Daddy loves me. Loves me with a fierce kind of love. He knew the days of my life and He knew where He found me. He used the circumstances around me to bring me to Him, so He doesn't need the little peon devil to tell.
Sometimes I believe that if Jesus only knew how bad I was... but I know better. My brain knows better. I need to know it in my bones, though; know it in my knower, as a dear friend of mine used to say. I look in the mirror and allow others to define the beauty in my life. I allow TV and the media to give me parameters that I should fit into in order to see myself as acceptable. Please Jesus, heal my wounded mind and my broken heart. Help us to all see us as Your princess, the way we were called to be. You are our Savior, and the Author and Finisher of our faith. Thank you, Jesus. We give You all the Glory.
Amen.
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