Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thanksgiving Bliss

Thanksgiving. What an incredible idea! We should spend all this time and money getting a whole bunch of food together, watching a crazy football game, running around the days before preparing, cleaning, stuffing things away so the "family and friends" that we are so thankful for don't see the real us.... is it very edifying? What if we slowed it down, asked everyone to bring their absolutely favorite dish, enough to share, filled in with our own main meat or dessert, and then just cleared a spot on the couch and enjoyed each other? What if everyone brought one thing about the year that blew them out of the water with thankfulness, whether it be a scripture, a picture, a story, or whatever, and then instead of watching someone else play a crazy game, we could really talk from the heart, share the struggles, pains, and victories that Christ has led us through in the last year? I think Jesus would feel much more welcome at that table.
Being able to spend a holiday at my grandmother's house this year was an incredible blessing. Being 86, she often says, "If I am here next year..." She is incredible, being exceedingly more comfortable with the idea of her next adventure in Heaven. All my life I can remember her talking about when she dies this, or when she dies that. I shudder to think of my reaction, but I am continually honored by the blessing that she has enriched my life with in her time here. I adore the way she accepts my family with all of its quirks and craziness, the step kids, the new hubby, the drama of teenagers, all with a love and a grace that is strictly God given. It is precious to be in her presence.
Eating with my mother, dad, sister, brother, cousins, aunt, and of course my beautiful husband and kids was wonderful. My mom went all out, cooking, cleaning, detailing things that we made sure to appreciate. So often in the hustle and bustle, people forget the details that the host/hostess focus on. New pillows here, new bathtub grout there, anything to improve upon the foundation for the celebration. It is a glorious event. My mother does such a wonderful job, but I suspect her biggest thankfulness comes with the last guest driving away. Such a bittersweet thankfulness. I pulled it off, I fed, I cleaned, I hosted, and now I can sit!! Whew! I hope that we all sufficiently let her know how much we appreciated her!

Well, my thanks extends to everyone and everything that the Lord has blessed me with, all the people along the way, all the experiences to shape me into something that hopefully looks more like him. Something else, today at church, the pastor mentioned that the more thankful we are, the less deceived we are by the enemy. Lies of the world would tell us that we are responsible for all the good that comes into our lives is our own doing. We are blessed by our Lord that is in control of everything. Praise Him! I praise Him for You!

Friday, November 7, 2008

I know... MIA

So much has happened in the last long while since I have posted. The election, the school year's progression, and so many details it is hard to comprehend. The bigger picture is that I have gotten worked up in the daily grind, given Him glory along the way, but haven't spent real time in His presence. I am empty, frustrated, and ineffective. I am lonesome for my Father's face. I have evolved into the teacher I never wanted to be, frustrated and hating my students most days. I have been more exhausted than I have been in a long time. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I just need to bow down, submit, and be changed. My youngest son has expressed his desire to go live with his dad because they have a much more predictable lifestyle. At my house, we are always running around, getting home late, eating late, and with me working 30 minutes away, my school day away from my babies is a very long one. He is feeling the distance and he desires a place where he can feel secure with his parents around him. Who can blame him? I don't, but I was very saddened by the reality call. It made me certain about the fact I am going to work close to where I live next year, and really schedule family time. I don't want my kids to think that I don't want to be around them, and they are stuck without me. My youngest is my most sensitive and I want him to feel secure and loved by me, not just a ward in my care.

Father, you see what is happening around me. I know that I need to just ask what I want and You are faithful to help me refocus or achieve the goals that You have set for my life. When I come to you revealing my true heart and intentions, You are amazing about revealing the root of my problem or helping me find a peace about what the issue really is. I want to hide in the shadow of Your wings and find the peace that can only come from You. I love You, Lord, and I praise You for being such an awesome Dad. When I stay too long away, You wait patiently until I return. Thank you. I love You, Amen.