Evolution

Hmmmm. Evolution usually strikes disdain in the hearts of Christians everywhere. Evolution, but you know what, our God is the Father of evolution. He wants us to evolve into being more like him. Instead of time being the catalyst, He is. Instead of a random set of notes just echoing together in chaos and happening to end up as a new piece of music, He is our conductor, if we will let Him be.
Sad story; my beautiful wonderful 6th graders, that yes, throw crap across the room, roll on the floor, jump on empty kleenex boxes behind my desk ( I know... ridiculous) are still 6th graders, and still created by the Master. Last Thursday I was ill and out with a sinus infection that made me give up and stay on the couch, and in steps the sub. Now, my disclaimer is: I subbed one day for 4th graders and didn't know what the heck I was doing, and swore (hee hee hee) that I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER teach. I realize that subbing is an awefully hard job. I think that the biggest part of my problem was the first part- the not knowing what the heck I was doing part. But, if I had chosen subbing as a main form of survival, I think I would have a bag of tricks. Maybe some prizes for the best kid in the class, or some pencils and erasers that I handed out if everyone is on task, maybe a fun ice breaker to get the class going, something to get their attention and then pull out the work, all the while telling the kids that they were really cool and how proud of them I was, and then if all else failed, reading them some story or something, or even take them outside for a game of red rover red rover or something to get them moving. Something. What I am saying is that if you are planning to be a sub, at least half of what you get is what you give. I would imagine that comes with anything you do, right? Well... the note that I got said that I had some aweful kids. She'd been subbing for a long time with the district, and I had some aweful kids. Ok. I hear ya. They were crappy and showing out because they thought they could be stupid and take advantage of a sub. But... this is the kicker.
She made fun of a stuttering student in my first class, while telling the rest of them they were stupid, a couple she explained to them that she was unsure of how they passed the 5th grade at all, and that they were the worst students she'd ever had. My next class were belittled as well, and she honed in on one student that I have worked with extensively this year to build self esteem in his kind heart, and she looked him in the eye... and called him a moron. My last class got much of the same.
I pulled my "moron" victim aside and looked him in the eye, and told him that I wanted him to remember that I loved him, believed in him, and that even though adults are adults, they are not always right, and that sometimes they lied. This was one of the times that he heard a lie. I told him that I didn't believe that she lied intentionally, but she obviously didn't know him the way I did, so she lied, and it was wrong of her to speak to him in that way anyway.
My students were disciplined for their behavior, but they also heard the fact that regardless of how others behave, they are always responsible for themselves. I want them to learn that there will always be people in life that speak things out that are not accurate, and it is their responsibility to evolve into adults that make the world better... not more broken.
Where are you? What path of evolution are you on? Me? I am having a wonderful week serving others in my home for Thanksgiving week. I am looking forward to hugs and tears of joy, and games played and things like that. I am looking forward to the love and grace of Jesus being abound in this place. Without these things occuring, what is the point of evolution anyway?
I have closets that will be evolving into order, shelves that will be evolving into dust-free, and I will have children that will evolve into strong oaks of righteousness, in Jesus' name! Have a wonderful Holiday season. Be grateful. Every day. Don't miss this!

Wowee! We are to come like little children...

Skipping rope, playing with dolls, sleeping with my velveteen rabbit, keeping my baby blanket close by... Do you ever wonder why women (usually) revert to girly things when they get older? I am considering getting a cd player/radio to go in my closet for my praise and worship music when I am having prayer closet time, and I remembered that Target had one last time I looked... a REALLY long time ago, that was Hello Kitty. It was pink and cute and had a big Hello Kitty on the front. Why would I want that? I am a grown up, right? Somewhat, but that little girl is still in there and she never had the time to properly get princessed as a child. I think there is a part of her that is still longing to get all of the things that she wanted when she was little that would make her feel beautiful, precious, and sweet, now instead of never. So often children in our culture are not celebrated enough. Now, it is different when we are talking about purchasing all the cool gadgets or making sure the house is big and all of that. That is not at all what I am talking about. what we give to our children as true gifts are gifts of imagination, love, touch, compassion, responsibility, and trust. When we hold our children accountable for their actions and responsible for their behavior, their possessions, and their areas, we are telling them that we have faith in their abilities. When they do what they are expected to do, it breeds self confidence. When they can handle a bad day, when they can take care of a pet, when they can honestly admit they did something wrong, and we point out the fact that they are growing into strong oaks of righteousness or mighty towers for the Lord, they are recognizing the mystery of wonderness in themselves. They are realizing that they are capable. Capable to play using their imagination instead of a video game. These are the true gifts.
Speaking with some dear friends today, we were discussing the choices we'd made out of lonely broken hearts, and how we operated out of a desperation for anything that remotely looked like family or community. That leads people at least to make poor choices, but even worse, to cults and gangs.
I think that when we girls have the chance to fall back in love with pink frilly underwear or a soft cuddly blanket, we should do it. Our baby girls in our hearts will dance with joy.
I love you all. Have a blessed week.

Hauntings

The life that the Lord has led me through has been one of amazing healing and victory. Without the terrible and tragic episodes in my life, the bright and beautiful would not exist. Kind of like the angels... they praise the Lord, but they have never had to go through the hell of earth to find Him. They praise Him because He is... they don't need to have another reason. On the flip side, humans praise Him because He has raised our dry bones, formed a person, and created a purpose for each and every one of us. I praise the Lord for this.
My daughter's face looks more and more like her father's every day to me. Of course, that is good and bad at the same time. He is handsome, but he is also a history of mine, sometimes joyful, more often; not. She also has his temper and although she is learning how to control it so much better now, there are times when she sounds just like her father when she gets angry. Who trips that trigger often? Little brother, of course. After him walking into her room without knocking, she flew off the handle, ran down the stairs after him, and yelled. Now I can't describe why this was any different than any other time I have had sibling rivalry in my house. After all, with 5 kids, they are bound to have a swarming love hate hive going on. As she approached her little brother, she pushed him on his shoulders with her open palms, then said something only he could hear, and finally turned to me with a big smile, trying to make me think everything was ok. What I actually saw was a ghost from the past smiling, mocking, manipulating, and getting ready for something much larger. I told them both that I could not handle that in my house. I looked her in the eye and asked her what made her so mad because I didn't understand how coming into your room without knocking could send you that far off the rocker unless there was something missing from the story. She just kept giving me that wide smile with the mischevious eyes that I don't trust. Looks and actions like that hold so many nightmares for me. Nightmares from which I would have to get up and go to work with all the hate and violence in me from the night before. nightmares from which I would have to use extra makeup to cover up the evidence or try to forget the words, the threats, and the ugliness. I don't know why I still have these hauntings in me. The best and final answer is that there is a purpose. It brings me to a place where only my sweet Father God can heal. Only He can reassure, and only He can use for His glory. It is only in His mighty yet gentle hands that we can truly have our broken hearts healed and restored. He is our kinsman redeemer. He is proud to stand in the gap for us.
Thank you my Father. Heal my memories, use me entirely for Your glory. Help me to remember that my reality now is You. Joy, Peace, Love. Perfect love that casts out all fear. Amen.

Revolutionary

There is a song by beautiful Bethany Dillon called, "Revolutionaries" and it talks about how if we all just loved each other the way that Jesus has loved us, we would be called revolutionary. I have been reading this amazing book called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. It narrates his personal journey from believing in God through living a life that is godly. He is not anything like a fundamentalist or a evangelist, or anything like that, it is just the tale of his real life human journey through selfishness and egomaniacal living that each and every one of us deal with ( or choose not to) and have to come to grips with in order to live the way our Savior has called us to live. I love the book. It is really giving me so much to think about. In tandem with my bible studies through Grand Canyon U and sermons at Gateway, it has me thinking.

How revolutionary would it be if we just introduced Jesus to people by our actions and not any of our words? If we fed those who needed to be fed, clothed those who needed to be clothed, and served all people around us in love. Really. Not the give 10 bucks so church can feed the needy, but if we rolled up our sleeves and fed some people. Not on holidays, but throughout the year when nobody is looking. What would happen? We could start a revolution.

What if we told people our stories so they would know how amazing Jesus is, but didn't give ourselves any credit at all? What if we just focused on what He did? What if we just looked around, saw a need, met it, and kept going instead of pausing for recognition, or thanks, or anything?

We are nothing. We have nothing. We can't do anything on our own. It all boils down to 2 things: Knowing Jesus and making Him known. Not me. Not how smart I am, how "together" I have it. I don't want people to spend time with me and see Allison. I want people to spend time with me and feel as if they have been loved by the Father. I want people to come into my house and feel like they are comfortable, warm, snuggly, and refreshed in the Holy Spirit.

God is so incredibly amazing. He rocks our world, and He does it through Love. We are His hands and feet. I am called to love my 6th graders, my parents, my teachers, my personal family, my own kids, my husband, myself (even when I am disgusting) and people I don't even know.

They will know us by our LOVE.

Revolutionary!

Nothing Doesn't Matter

"Indescribable,... You are amazing God!!"
How many times have I walked by a buffet table and rationalized it to myself... just one, it doesn't matter? How many times have I snapped back a smart answer to a student and think, it is no big deal, they talk to me like that all the time. How many times have I allowed my kids, my husband, my friends to walk by me or a day go by without telling them something to lift them up. "How are you? I love you! Have a great day!"?
I was looking online trying to find some motivation to get into shape this summer, looking at the 24 hour fitness website and they had testimonials of people who'd worked out at 24h and had results, etc. I came upon Andre Agassi, who was a childhood hero of mine, and I read his testimonial. Honestly, I don't remember anything that was there except when it said "I knew I had to make every single work out count."
That hit me from out of left field, right on the side of my head! Make...every...single...thing...count.... Hm... what does that look like? So I started thinking about my family. After a crazy last month of school, I'd become so complacent in my marriage. God totally highlighted Tracey in my mind. He works on his feet all day and then comes home and helps me too. 5 out of 7 nights, he cooks, he rarely sits down until everything is straightened up and squared away. How incredibly blessed am I? I have rubbed his feet, back, and really tried to make every second with him count. My kids are so wonderful. Spencer and Ashley got new haircuts on Wednesday, and they look awesome. It was my honor to take them to get that done. Liam helped me through a melt down when the realtor was coming on Wednesday, Seth welcomes me with a smile and a hug each time I walk into the room. Jayde still calls me...even though it is only every once in a while. I am so blessed by the love that my Father bestows upon me.
For a mousey little girl who never fit in to the group, my Daddy has made a place for me. Every single second, every single workout, every single snack, every single smile; they all count.

Lord, I pray that my praise to You is like a sweet fragrance up to Heaven. You have healed my wounded soul, my broken heart, and my heavy wings. Only You could have worked such a miracle in my life. I praise You Father for this day and each day You have ordained for me. Help us Lord to wipe away the cobwebs of our hearts and our minds to praise You in the sunshine and LOVE them. Love them like You have loved us.

Romans 12:2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

"If you don't see God in everything, you won't see God in anything."
Look around you. What do you see? The pleading eyes of a child asking for attention. An elderly lady needing an arm to lean on walking across the street.
A friend's desperate call late at night for strength.

You are the blessing. Somebody is hungry, you have the food. Somebody is lonely, you have the smile. Somebody is frustrated and angry, you have the understanding. Somebody is desperate, you have the answers. Be the blessing. It doesn't take a theology degree or a special collar or outfit. It doesn't require a title or some letters behind your name. It takes a pure heart and a servant's spirit. Seeing the world through our Lord's eyes brings a different hue to everything. I want to be a "son" flower. I want to bloom in His light. I want to grow towards Him and seek Him in everything. No looking back. No fear, no living in the past. There is no condemnation in Christ. I want this to spread, like a plague. A plague of freedom and worship. Be blessed, my dear friends. God is great all the time... All the time, God is great.

Dusting away the cobwebs

Wow! It seems like forever since I have stepped into this room... I see things I recognize, but there are cobwebs all over everything. I walk over to the couch covered by the dusty sheets to protect it. Wow, this is pretty comfortable, although haaaaa haaaa haaaachooooo! The dust gets to me every time. My 200 mph sneeze has kicked up even more dust. Let me open this dirty window and get some fresh air. Hey! There is a fan over in that window, plugged in too. Ooooh, now that breeze feels better. Getting everything moving in this attic really gives me pause to reflect...

This school year is almost over. So much has changed. I started this year out so ready for amazing things to happen. So rearing to make a difference, yet suddenly I can look back over the occurences of this year and really testify to the fact that life is what happens when you are busy making plans. This year, I was honored with facilitator of my department, but eventually fell out of grace with the administrator and it was torn from me. 3 school days later, the same administrator called me into her office and in humiliation, I was notified that she was not going to recommend my contract with the district be terminated at the end of the term. I was devastated. I questioned everything about my teaching career even though it was only 3 years old. I didn't want anything to do with this school ever again, or any school for that matter. But, all in all, God is great, all the time. I aligned my spirit with how He wanted me to be and I have renewed my joy and serving spirit so that I can glorify Him in this place. People have come out of the woodwork in encouragement and support for me. It has been the blessing.
My daughter came started this year on a positive note, but unfortunately it didn't end that way. She yet again got in trouble for truancy and was court ordered to get her GED. She passed! Then, she got a job! Praise the Lord! Then, she decided she was too big to follow rules, so she packed up all of her stuff and moved in with her boyfriend. TRAGEDY! I can hear the Bee Gees in the background now! The thing about it is, she will have to come to a place where she can make decidions based on her mind, objectively instead of emotionally. It is a struggle, but life is a good teacher and she is getting an education one way or another. We will see what is in store for her.
Our house is going up for sale. We are trying to sell it asap. We are downsizing in size and in cost. I am looking forward to having a more compact house. I need some coziness. I am blessed by whatever the Lord has for me, but my heart desires comfort and cozy. He is in control of it, and I am going to go where he leads.

The longer I sit on this comfy couch, the sleepier I get. I am going to relax with the sun shining on me, the fan blowing in my hair, and take a little nap.

My love to all.

Oh, hey! My little sister and brother are graduating this next month! I am so excited! 2 trips East, Yeehaw!!!

Fear, Failure, and the Power of Love

My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." II Corinthians 12:19

What I thought would never happen, happened. I got fired. You know what? That is ok with me. As it turned out, I had the opportunity to resign, and that has been a freeing experience for me. What I have realized is that I do love to teach. I do love my students. That was something that I was not entirely convinced of when this all went came down. Actually that day, I never wanted to see the inside of a classroom again. But, some kind of miraculous emerging occurred that day.
I was first removed from facilitator, then I was made aware that my principal would not be renewing my contract with the district. It was completely humiliating and I could hardly hold my head up the next day. I thought everyone was looking right through me. I felt their questions boring into me as I passed through the halls. The head of human resources for the district called me into his office and we discussed my options. I chose to sign a letter of resignation instead of allow her to terminate my contract. The moment I did that, I felt the whole responsibility to please her was dissolved and my passion for my students was rekindled. I realized that without the debilatating fear of an upcoming attack, I could really get into what I was doing again. I could seek out the passion with which I started teaching. I truly wanted to get back into the day by day enjoying of what I was doing. When I was faced with choosing something else, I took a hard look at myself and realized that I really do love these kids. I want to work on getting it right every day, and I can clearly see places in my routine that need some help. Isn't that the constant in any profession though; seeing things that need improvement and continuously honing them in order to be better and stronger every year? I know I will never be perfect, which means I will always have room for improvement.
Perfect love casts out all fear. Tracey, Mary, Vonda, my parents, my family, have shown perfect and wonderful love through this whole ordeal. It has been a wonderful experience, albeit incredibly stressful, and I know that the other side of this will be a blessing. God is for me, who can be against me? Now we just have TAKS looming. I am pumped about Taks bootcamp that I am running for my students and they are going to do great! Yeah!
Over and out.