Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Hauntings

The life that the Lord has led me through has been one of amazing healing and victory. Without the terrible and tragic episodes in my life, the bright and beautiful would not exist. Kind of like the angels... they praise the Lord, but they have never had to go through the hell of earth to find Him. They praise Him because He is... they don't need to have another reason. On the flip side, humans praise Him because He has raised our dry bones, formed a person, and created a purpose for each and every one of us. I praise the Lord for this.
My daughter's face looks more and more like her father's every day to me. Of course, that is good and bad at the same time. He is handsome, but he is also a history of mine, sometimes joyful, more often; not. She also has his temper and although she is learning how to control it so much better now, there are times when she sounds just like her father when she gets angry. Who trips that trigger often? Little brother, of course. After him walking into her room without knocking, she flew off the handle, ran down the stairs after him, and yelled. Now I can't describe why this was any different than any other time I have had sibling rivalry in my house. After all, with 5 kids, they are bound to have a swarming love hate hive going on. As she approached her little brother, she pushed him on his shoulders with her open palms, then said something only he could hear, and finally turned to me with a big smile, trying to make me think everything was ok. What I actually saw was a ghost from the past smiling, mocking, manipulating, and getting ready for something much larger. I told them both that I could not handle that in my house. I looked her in the eye and asked her what made her so mad because I didn't understand how coming into your room without knocking could send you that far off the rocker unless there was something missing from the story. She just kept giving me that wide smile with the mischevious eyes that I don't trust. Looks and actions like that hold so many nightmares for me. Nightmares from which I would have to get up and go to work with all the hate and violence in me from the night before. nightmares from which I would have to use extra makeup to cover up the evidence or try to forget the words, the threats, and the ugliness. I don't know why I still have these hauntings in me. The best and final answer is that there is a purpose. It brings me to a place where only my sweet Father God can heal. Only He can reassure, and only He can use for His glory. It is only in His mighty yet gentle hands that we can truly have our broken hearts healed and restored. He is our kinsman redeemer. He is proud to stand in the gap for us.
Thank you my Father. Heal my memories, use me entirely for Your glory. Help me to remember that my reality now is You. Joy, Peace, Love. Perfect love that casts out all fear. Amen.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Revolutionary


There is a song by beautiful Bethany Dillon called, "Revolutionaries" and it talks about how if we all just loved each other the way that Jesus has loved us, we would be called revolutionary. I have been reading this amazing book called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. It narrates his personal journey from believing in God through living a life that is godly. He is not anything like a fundamentalist or a evangelist, or anything like that, it is just the tale of his real life human journey through selfishness and egomaniacal living that each and every one of us deal with ( or choose not to) and have to come to grips with in order to live the way our Savior has called us to live. I love the book. It is really giving me so much to think about. In tandem with my bible studies through Grand Canyon U and sermons at Gateway, it has me thinking.

How revolutionary would it be if we just introduced Jesus to people by our actions and not any of our words? If we fed those who needed to be fed, clothed those who needed to be clothed, and served all people around us in love. Really. Not the give 10 bucks so church can feed the needy, but if we rolled up our sleeves and fed some people. Not on holidays, but throughout the year when nobody is looking. What would happen? We could start a revolution.

What if we told people our stories so they would know how amazing Jesus is, but didn't give ourselves any credit at all? What if we just focused on what He did? What if we just looked around, saw a need, met it, and kept going instead of pausing for recognition, or thanks, or anything?

We are nothing. We have nothing. We can't do anything on our own. It all boils down to 2 things: Knowing Jesus and making Him known. Not me. Not how smart I am, how "together" I have it. I don't want people to spend time with me and see Allison. I want people to spend time with me and feel as if they have been loved by the Father. I want people to come into my house and feel like they are comfortable, warm, snuggly, and refreshed in the Holy Spirit.

God is so incredibly amazing. He rocks our world, and He does it through Love. We are His hands and feet. I am called to love my 6th graders, my parents, my teachers, my personal family, my own kids, my husband, myself (even when I am disgusting) and people I don't even know.

They will know us by our LOVE.

Revolutionary!