Hauntings

The life that the Lord has led me through has been one of amazing healing and victory. Without the terrible and tragic episodes in my life, the bright and beautiful would not exist. Kind of like the angels... they praise the Lord, but they have never had to go through the hell of earth to find Him. They praise Him because He is... they don't need to have another reason. On the flip side, humans praise Him because He has raised our dry bones, formed a person, and created a purpose for each and every one of us. I praise the Lord for this.
My daughter's face looks more and more like her father's every day to me. Of course, that is good and bad at the same time. He is handsome, but he is also a history of mine, sometimes joyful, more often; not. She also has his temper and although she is learning how to control it so much better now, there are times when she sounds just like her father when she gets angry. Who trips that trigger often? Little brother, of course. After him walking into her room without knocking, she flew off the handle, ran down the stairs after him, and yelled. Now I can't describe why this was any different than any other time I have had sibling rivalry in my house. After all, with 5 kids, they are bound to have a swarming love hate hive going on. As she approached her little brother, she pushed him on his shoulders with her open palms, then said something only he could hear, and finally turned to me with a big smile, trying to make me think everything was ok. What I actually saw was a ghost from the past smiling, mocking, manipulating, and getting ready for something much larger. I told them both that I could not handle that in my house. I looked her in the eye and asked her what made her so mad because I didn't understand how coming into your room without knocking could send you that far off the rocker unless there was something missing from the story. She just kept giving me that wide smile with the mischevious eyes that I don't trust. Looks and actions like that hold so many nightmares for me. Nightmares from which I would have to get up and go to work with all the hate and violence in me from the night before. nightmares from which I would have to use extra makeup to cover up the evidence or try to forget the words, the threats, and the ugliness. I don't know why I still have these hauntings in me. The best and final answer is that there is a purpose. It brings me to a place where only my sweet Father God can heal. Only He can reassure, and only He can use for His glory. It is only in His mighty yet gentle hands that we can truly have our broken hearts healed and restored. He is our kinsman redeemer. He is proud to stand in the gap for us.
Thank you my Father. Heal my memories, use me entirely for Your glory. Help me to remember that my reality now is You. Joy, Peace, Love. Perfect love that casts out all fear. Amen.