So much has happened in the last long while since I have posted. The election, the school year's progression, and so many details it is hard to comprehend. The bigger picture is that I have gotten worked up in the daily grind, given Him glory along the way, but haven't spent real time in His presence. I am empty, frustrated, and ineffective. I am lonesome for my Father's face. I have evolved into the teacher I never wanted to be, frustrated and hating my students most days. I have been more exhausted than I have been in a long time. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I just need to bow down, submit, and be changed. My youngest son has expressed his desire to go live with his dad because they have a much more predictable lifestyle. At my house, we are always running around, getting home late, eating late, and with me working 30 minutes away, my school day away from my babies is a very long one. He is feeling the distance and he desires a place where he can feel secure with his parents around him. Who can blame him? I don't, but I was very saddened by the reality call. It made me certain about the fact I am going to work close to where I live next year, and really schedule family time. I don't want my kids to think that I don't want to be around them, and they are stuck without me. My youngest is my most sensitive and I want him to feel secure and loved by me, not just a ward in my care.
Father, you see what is happening around me. I know that I need to just ask what I want and You are faithful to help me refocus or achieve the goals that You have set for my life. When I come to you revealing my true heart and intentions, You are amazing about revealing the root of my problem or helping me find a peace about what the issue really is. I want to hide in the shadow of Your wings and find the peace that can only come from You. I love You, Lord, and I praise You for being such an awesome Dad. When I stay too long away, You wait patiently until I return. Thank you. I love You, Amen.
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